Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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