The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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