If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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