she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
