I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
