i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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