So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
