Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
