You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
