she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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