he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
