Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
