i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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