Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
