I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
