Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
