theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
