when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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