I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
