you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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