I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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