I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
