guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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