Well apparently he's into motor boating.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
