you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
