did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
