Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
