I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
