just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
