? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
