It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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