bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
