Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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