Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
