i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
