Can Purell be used as lube?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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