Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
