You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
