A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
