is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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