NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
