Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
