Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
