i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
