Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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