home. puking in laundry basket.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
