Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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