You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
