flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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