True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
