He is an equal opportunity slut.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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