P.S. I can't hear my feet
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
