He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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