he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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