So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
