I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
