It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
