Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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