This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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