im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
