im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
