guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
