Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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