Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my shit smells like andre
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
