There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
