how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
