Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
